ED2015 Columns ED2015 Spoken Word

Poetry Corner #05: by Elvis McGonagall

By Elvis McGonagall | Published on Monday 17 August 2015

ThreeWeeks invites Fringe-favourite poets to put some words to paper – or a portable device of their choosing – to entertain you here in Poetry Corner. This time, we hear from Elvis McGonagall.

The Scottish Lion (edit)
Get yersel’ tae the faintheart surgeon
Leap like a Salmond, float like a Sturgeon
Let the flower ‘o Scotland burgeon
The Scottish Lion’s roared

Ignore the media mafiosi
Wee Fat Eck’s no Keyser Soze
The future’s fandabidozee
The Scottish Lion’s iron like a lion
in Zion
We’re pure dead brilliant Caledonian
Ruled by a bawbag Auld Etonian
Sufferin’ duck! That’s draconian
The Scottish Lion likes a fish supper for his tea

We drink oor voddy wi’ irn’-bru
Oor pandas eat deep-fried bamboo
We’ll swap yon Trident fur a skian-dubh
In the jungle the mighty jungle the Scottish Lion’s sleeping off a wee hangover

Mais oui – nous sommes ecossaise
We’re European pal – no petit anglaise
We’ll dunk oor chips in mayonnaise
Viva Il Leone Scozzese

Oh I would walk five hundred miles
For one ‘o Jocky Wilson’s smiles
Wee men in anoraks – that’s oor style
The Scottish Lion’s wearing a ginger jimmy bunnet

Release the monster from out of Loch Ness
Enough o’ Cameron’s Eton mess
Stand up Scotland – next time – yes
The Scottish Lion’s rampant

‘Elvis McGonagall: Countrybile’ was performed at Stand In The Square at Edinburgh Festival 2015.