ED2015 Columns ED2015 Spoken Word ED2015 Week0 Edition

Poetry Corner #01: by Matthew Harvey (Auckland, New Zealand)

By | Published on Thursday 30 July 2015


ThreeWeeks invites Fringe-favourite poets to put some words to paper – or a portable device of their choosing – to entertain you here in Poetry Corner. Today, Matthew Harvey. He’s from Auckland.

Here he comes.

Leaving behind the warm, treacle-y embrace of his comfort zone. Leaving behind a warm friendly land populated by warm, friendly, hairy toed hobbits (forgetting for a moment the power crazed avarice of Peter Jackson).

Fearlessly hurtling at great speed through the sky, aided by aerodynamics and a high-tech jet propulsion system (OK so basically an aeroplane but I did fearlessly risk having the chicken for dinner). Stepping into the unknown. Bravely trying to convince complete strangers he’s somehow worth an hour of their time. A lone wolf in a strange city (well… there are over 3000 shows so I’m not so much of a lone wolf but I’m a poet, I speak in metaphors goddammit.) He cannot by tamed by any drunk festival goer.

He will not be put off by the fact there is already a more well known poet with exactly the same name as him.

Through sleepless nights, through raging hangovers, through sore feet, rejection, terror, exhilaration, joy, happiness, laughter and more sore feet. Through wind. Through rain. Hard, driving, Scottish rain. Through the best and the worst that Edinburgh can throw at him and always with a smile on his face and a soggy flyer in his hand.

Here he comes, through the famous streets and he will not be swayed from his purpose for he is:

I’m almost annoyed
And I’ll tell you why
People seem to have the misconception
That I’m a nice guy.
I’m not charming, a darling
Lovely or sweet
I’m an outlaw, a renegade
I’m edgy, I’m street
I’m no stranger
To danger
I’m just like a Power Ranger (the pink one)
I reckon I would win
If I had a fight with a flower arranger
He wouldn’t stand a chance
Let’s be perfectly honest
One look from me
He’d be a petrified florist
Extreme is my business
I take no prisoners
I don’t run with the pack
I run with scissors
“The Man” wants to fight me
The authorities want to find me
‘Cause I think I’ve got some
Overdue books from the library
When I go out for a curry
I’ll have the second hottest on offer
And I will wear underwear
That’s been washed
Without fabric softener
So don’t get on me wrong side
‘Cause I’m just like Ali
I float like a butterfly
And I sting like a butterfly
I’m Mr muscle
To your Mr Sheen
I could be the fifth permanent
Member of the A-Team
Watch me deal to the bad guys
With effortless style
Not quite Mr T
More Mr Chamomile
To cap it all off
And if the rumours are true
MacGyver often asks himself
What would Matthew Harvey do?

Matthew Harvey is … Dangerman!, The Banshee Labyrinth, from 8 until 30 Aug