ED2015 Comedy ED2015 News

Phone gag tops Dave’s list of Fringe one-liners

By | Published on Tuesday 25 August 2015

Darren Walsh

So, it’s that point in the Festival where ten comedians have to tolerate media like us plundering their material and stealing some of their best lines, in return for the honour of appearing on telly channel Dave’s list of the best one-liners of the Festival.

And well done to Darren Walsh whose mobile phone gag tops the list, as voted for by 2000 pun fans, or punters if you prefer. Apparently nearly a quarter of those surveyed picked Walsh’s gag from a shortlist of jokes selected by industry pun experts, or pundits as we call them.

And now here’s the top ten…

1. “I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free” – Darren Walsh

2. “Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West” – Stewart Francis

3. “Surely every car is a people carrier?” – Adam Hess

4. “What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter” – Masai Graham

5. “If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn’t go” – Dave Green

6. “Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas” – Mark Nelson

7. “Red sky at night. Shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night. Day” – Tom Parry

8. “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves” – Alun Cochrane

9. “Clowns divorce. Custardy battle” – Simon Munnery

10. “They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for…” – Grace The Child