As someone who is increasingly concerned about how old she’s getting, I was immediately drawn to a funny show that’s about “the pain and beauty of growing older, connecting and unravelling, holding on and letting go”. 

The play in question is called ‘Look After Your Knees’, and it’s both a solo debut and an Edinburgh debut for seasoned pro Natalie Bellingham. 

Natalie’s had a diverse and interesting career as a theatre maker and performer, and this piece of work sounds amazing. I spoke to her to find out more. 

CM: Can you start by telling us a bit about the content of the show? Does it tell a story? Who is it about?
NB: The direct answer to this question is that it’s a mix of recorded stories – bit poetic, with a gentle narrative – voice notes, letters, stand-up storytelling bits, personal stories, some more theatrical moments, a bit of movement and a tiny bit of interaction.

I have sometimes called it a collage, it’s not neat and tidy because very little is. It’s a playful show about getting older, taking hold of your life, facing some uncomfortable truths and trying to let go of a load of shit you’ve carried with you to this point in time. It’s about what comes next.

It’s about figuring out who you are and how to continue when everything you have always known changes. For me it was losing my mum. She was a huge part of life for the good and the bad. It’s about letting go and moving, if you can. 

There is a journey, but would I call it a story? I’m not sure yet. I look forward to Edinburgh sieving this out of the show! It is about me, right now, and I hope it’s about the audience too. Different people see different things in the show depending on their age, life and experience. 

Audiences have said “it’s a rollercoaster, funny, moving and warm”.

The show was co-created with Jamie Wood – of ‘Beating McEnroe’, ‘Oh No’ and ‘I Am A Tree’ – and Jamie has had a clear influence on the piece. It’s quite different from what I’ve made before. It’s more personal, gentler and I hope it’s more open. But my relationship with the audience remains essential. 

CM: What themes are explored through the show?
NB: The show explores themes of age, time, change, identity, complex relationships and reclaiming your potential. It’s about learning how to move when you’re stuck and figuring out how to live the next part of your life.

There’s something enticingly funny, terrifying and liberating about suddenly realising that your life is yours and you are in charge of it. My mum died in 2020 and this was the position I found myself in.

The show playfully explores my confrontation with a massive unfillable space and all the heavy stuff I discovered I am carrying and trying to let go of. 

I didn’t want it to be a “I once was lost and now I’m found show”, it’s more of a “I’m trying and I hope we’ll be OK” show. 

CM: How would you describe it in terms of style or genre?
NB: It’s a semi autobiographical solo show. I’d say it’s a bit more theatrical than shows I’ve made in the past. It’s theatre, devised, drama, comedy, clown and storytelling.

I talk directly to the audience at times and not at others. It’s a bit abstract, but not in a wanky way, and maybe there is a sniff of stand-up in there, but a storytelling sniff!

One person said at a preview that it felt ‘a little bit French’ and no-one can take that away from me now. Another said she was “emotionally engaged and entertained at the same time. Hilarious and heartrending. I loved every minute”.

People have said to me that they feel part of it, that it’s warm and they are with me, which is the best thing to hear.

CM: You mentioned the stand-up-esque elements. You starting doing stand-up comedy during the pandemic, how does doing more conventional stand-up compare to shows like this one?
NB: Crikey, I found stand-up terrifying. I got through to the Funny Women finals in 2021 and I’d never done stand-up before that. I’d wildly underestimated the size of the event. I turned up and just tried to not vomit, or fall down. You’ll be pleased to know I succeeded.

I didn’t even know how to use the handheld mic properly. That said, it pushed me to write more and explore different ways into writing which I have played with, and there are bits in the show that came out of the writing I did around that time that I didn’t perform in the final.

The Funny Women stand-up experience was a brilliant thing for me and has influenced this show in its own way, but it’s not a stand-up show. 

For me I find it easier to connect with an audience performing a piece of theatre, I feel more at home and I hope that puts the audience at ease too. 

CM: As an autobiographical piece, how far does it go? How close to the truth is it? And how does it feel to use your own experiences like that in a performance piece – is there a sense of being exposed?
NB: Absolutely. I think as humans we are always trying to stay in control and manage everything, for me this is a big thing. However, whilst making this show I have tried to push myself a bit.

Because it is about me, right now at this moment in my life, and so making the show and bringing it to Edinburgh is all part of the shift I’m trying to make.

And so letting go of a bit of control and trying not to manage what everyone thinks and sees is something I’m actively trying to do. I can’t be afraid of people knowing more than I do, because it’s very likely that they will.

I’d say it’s very autobiographical with a sniff of artistic licence. I generally find it really hard to not be honest in shows. And this is the most honest/ exposing show I’ve made. I’ll perhaps be able to tell you in September how that feels. 

CM: Do you have any hopeful message for me, a person who is quite a bit older than forty!?
NB: This little adventure we’re all on is not complete, and so I suppose the message for everyone all the time is what do you really want to do next, and be really kind to yourself as you try to figure that out, one step at a time. 

I think we just have to try and listen to ourselves and do what we can. Care less, do more, go outside if we can. 

We’re never stuck. 

Also breathe. 

It’s A LOT. We’re doing alright.

CM: Have you visited or performed at the Fringe before? What are your hopes/expectations of it?
NB: I’ve visited for many years but never been able to afford to bring a show. I’ve always been a punter and I’ve never performed until now.

Some might say that it being my first ever solo show, and also being my Edinburgh debut, is possibly too many firsts, but this was how the dice rolled. 

I’m excited to share this show in an environment with such a massively diverse audience and where so many performance forms are celebrated.

Because my show seems to speak to lots of different people at different times of their lives. Because, from my experience, people seem to always have something they want to let go of, and also a huge host of things they carry that they are embarrassed about or find difficult.

And this show is like a big group invitation for us all to connect in our ridiculous humanity and share some of this stuff and celebrate our curiosity in growing, changing and moving.

It’s all bum-clenchingly exciting with a healthy hint of terror.

My hope is that I enjoy it, that I get people into the show, enjoy sharing it with them, and they take something from it and share that with others. 

I’d also like to survive. And, more practically, I’d like the show to have a good life after Edinburgh, so I hope the time spent there will help me do that well. 

CM: Are you planning to take in other shows while you are there? Any recommendations?
NB: Absolutely. I’d like to see Sh!t Theatre’s new show ‘Or What’s Left Of Us’. Also ‘Show Pony’, ‘L’addition’ from Bert And Nasi, and I’ve heard ‘Every Brilliant Thing’ is back, which is always worth a watch if you’ve not seen it.

Luca Rutherford’s ‘You Heard Me’ is up for a bit, I missed it last time. I’m also looking forward to seeing something by Charlotte Anne-Tilley and maybe Garry Starr’s kids’ show.

Stand-up wise I’m looking forward to Amy Gledhill, Lara Ricote and Abby Wambaugh. In clown/ alternative comedy: Joe Kent Walters, Freddie Hayes, Elf Lyons, Luke Rollason, Josh Glanc, Dan Lees and Trygve Wakenshaw.

And Jamie Wood, who co-created this show, has also worked on another show at the Fringe called ‘Dante And The Robot’ which will be brilliant, and I can’t wait to see it. 

There is so much: I’m really looking forward to slowly being able to search out some things and take my time. No six show days for me this year! 

CM: Can we talk a bit about your working life? What drew you to working in the arts? How did you begin your career?
NB: Absolutely. The arts were my happy place at school and college. But my family were northern working class and working in the arts felt like a massive risk, so I panicked and felt I needed to do something a bit more sensible, so I went to study PR at Leeds Met Uni. This was a nightmare!

So during my second year, I did what I should have done to start with. I started to apply for drama schools and I got into Bretton Hall in Wakefield, on the site of the Yorkshire Sculpture Park.

I remember calling my friends in the pub and crying a bit on my way to the audition because there were cows and fields and only one bus. But I got in, and after the initial shock and complete change of environment, it was amazing. Everything changed then. 

I was always comfortable performing, I felt more myself on stage than anywhere else. I knew how it worked and I enjoyed its predictable unpredictability. 

I started out in applied theatre, working with vulnerable adults and young people, teaching youth theatre, performing street theatre and as an artist educator at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park. I also enrolled on a clown course in Barcelona by accident. These things have shaped me. I’ve met a lot of great people along the way and I’ve learnt a lot from them all. 

CM: You co-founded Uncanny Theatre and toured with the company for nine years. Can you tell us how that came about?
NB: I was the co-artistic director alongside Matt Rogers, formally of Chotto Ookii. Uncanny’s philosophy was that ‘if something is important, then it’s important enough to be funny’. We made visually exciting comedy about really important things, done in a way where we were all in on the stupidity.

We toured original work for around nine years together and we had a lot of fun. It started very casually, I had just returned from the clown course in Barcelona and I responded to an ad Matt put on arts jobs. I’d heard good things about his previous company so we met, chatted and developed the idea for our first show. It was called ‘Optimism’ and it was about a woman who wanted to be a lamb.

We wanted to apply for some funding, and it made sense to apply as a collective, so we came up with a company name – originally we were Fuzzy Logic, then had to change it. Then Matt invited his housemate Nikolai Calcoen along to a research day and we became a company of three. 

I think this was great for me, it just sort of happened and it was great, no pressure. We made some great work and took it to some excellent places. 

We performed at A Nation’s Theatre Festival in London, Transform Festival in Leeds, BE Festival in Birmingham, and toured nationally.

We played our final performance in 2018 at HOME in Manchester to a great crowd as part of the Incoming festival. It was a show called ‘Outrage’ and it was about how people orchestrate outrage to promote themselves. 

CM: What have been the highlights of your working life thus far?
NB: Getting a solo show made and taking it to Edinburgh is frankly a massive deal, and something I’ve wanted to do for a really long time. But looking back there have been a few other highlights, which is nice to be reminded of before I head up to Edinburgh, so thanks for asking! 

A bit of an odd ‘highlight” really, but in 2019/2020, I applied to be part of an international touring project in Prague called ‘The Others’. It was directed by Thom Monckton and the cast included Trygve Wakenshaw and Sami Abu Wardeh, a performer from Prague and another from Columbia.

I took a massive leap of faith applying and auditioning and I got in, I felt like I’d won the lottery! Sadly the pandemic put an end to the project and it stopped before it really got started. Massively disappointing, but still a weird highlight and it represented a big shift for me professionally.

The pandemic stopped the Prague project so I was determined to keep the one I had the reins of alive and I did. I managed to bring a show called ‘The Polar Bear Is Dead’ to fruition despite the pandemic. It was a really exciting collaboration with an Italian theatre maker called Daniele Pennati.

It changed a lot because we made it together whilst in different countries and ended up performing it like that too.

Daniele would perform live on Zoom and I was in the theatre – he made it across for two shows, which was really quite emotional – and it’s a piece of work I’m really proud of. We finished touring that show in April this year. 

In lockdown I also had my first sculpture commissioned – an interactive see saw about nature – and I got through to the 2021 Funny Women Finals. I was totally bamboozled by both of these things but also pretty proud. 

In 2016, Uncanny performed a show called ‘You Had To Be There’ at the BE Festival – or the Birmingham European Festival.

This experience was a lot of fun and a pivotal moment for me, it opened me up to work from all over Europe and that was also where I met Daniele Pennati and Jamie Wood – both became future collaborators. 

CM: What aims and ambitions do you have for the future?
NB: I’d like to keep making new work, meeting new collaborators and touring: it brings me a lot of joy! I’m also interested in making a piece of work that could tour internationally. I have a bit of an itch to do the Canadian fringe, though we’ll see how Edinburgh goes first. I’m also keen to do more writing.

CM: What plans do you have for ‘Look After Your Knees’? Are there firm plans for it after Edinburgh?
NB: Yes, we’re booking a small tour for autumn/winter 2024, touring to Unity Liverpool, Dukes Lancaster and Leeds so far, and then a larger national tour in spring 2025.

CM: What’s coming up next for you after this?
NB: Bit of a break – ideally somewhere I can snorkel – a trip to Holy Island with my partner’s mum, and some weaving workshops in a men’s prison. Then looking at touring and the next project. There are a few ideas percolating!

‘Look After Your Knees’ was performed at Pleasance Courtyard at Edinburgh Festival 2024.

LINKS: nataliebellingham.co.uk | x.com/natsbellino 

Photo: Matt Rogers