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Letter To Edinburgh: Doug Segal

By | Published on Tuesday 5 August 2014

Doug Segal

I know what you’re all thinking, where the hell is that Doug Segal, freaking people out with his mentalist skills? Well, he’s not at the Festival with a brand new show this year people. He’s not even in Scotland. Yet. But he did send Edinburgh this letter…

Hi. How are you?

I know I said I wouldn’t contact you but… well… I miss you and I hear you’re even thinking about leaving the UK. And I know the break was my decision but I just can’t get you out of my head. Like I said when I decided we needed to have a break this year, it’s not you it’s me.

Our romance was so sudden, so overwhelming. I met you almost by accident rather than by design and it was electric. It felt like we’d been made for each other; we fell in love instantly. And what an incredible three years we had.

You showered me with praise, sell out shows and awards, but you also exhausted me. Physically. And mentally.

I explored every inch of your undulating body as I wound my way up you, down you and even inside you, as I accepted every additional chance offered me to perform for you.

In addition to my show I’d do anything up to three extra performances a day in you. You always left me exhilarated but spent. You took me from a room above a pub to The Gilded Balloon and even to a sold out EICC.

But how could I hope to keep up with you indefinitely? And you could be cruel. I know we made up and it was business as usual, with you showering me with stars and praise by the end, but you made my life hell for the first ten days of August last year. I hated you. I loved you too.

You’ve never taken me to the cleaners the way you do so many people, I know that and I’m grateful, but one of the other things you gifted me was a tour which only finished a few weeks ago, and there was no time to write something new. How could I dare turn up on your door without a new offering?

I’ve filled my days since writing that new show and I tell myself it’s for another tour but we both know it’s really for you, don’t we?

But… All my friends are with you now and it hurts, it hurts to see how excited and happy you are making them. Is this your revenge on me for the time I spent with the Brighton Fringe, and the Leicester and Glasgow Comedy Festivals?

They meant nothing to me, it was just shows. You know my heart belongs to you. Didn’t I fly all the way from down South to spend my birthday with you this year?

So I guess what I’m building to is this – take me back?

I know I said I wouldn’t even visit, but the fact is people have offered me money to come, though the truth is the money is just an excuse. I’ll be back with you from August 18 until the end.

Let’s never part again.
I love you.
Doug x

Doug Segal made a really bad job of taking a year off the Edinburgh Fringe by flying in to perform at the The Five Thirty Cabaret at The Famous Spiegeltent, Musical CID at Gilded Balloon, The Lock-In Cabaret at The Voodoo Rooms and Fest On Forth (Floor) at Harvey Nichols, all at Edinburgh Festival 2014.

LINKS: www.dougsegal.co.uk