ED2014 Cabaret ED2014 Interviews

Christeene: Enter the machine

By | Published on Thursday 17 July 2014


Flying in from Austin, Texas and taking over one of the Underbelly vaults this Fringe, ‘The Christeene Machine’ offers a “gender-blending booty-pounding perversion of punk dragged through a musical theatre gutter” courtesy of its star, Christeene, described by the internet as a “drag terrorist” and by the press blurb  as “a human pissoir of foul hilarity and raw unabashed sexuality”. Wow. I must confess to feeling ever so slightly scared – all that talk of dragging through gutters – but I girded my loins and sent over a mixed bag of questions. Here is what I got back: Christeene, unedited.

CM: Can you tell us what to expect from your show?
C: Don’t cum expectin nuthing. Juz brang everything u friggin got.

CM: For those unfamiliar with your performances – why does it have an 18+ rating?
C: U know I reallly dunno, cuz back in Austin therrr were sum wonderful adult figures who brought derr lil kids to da show once. I dunno how dem lil kids are doin now mind u, butt im sure dey have a lot to talk about wit derr friendz at schoooool.

CM: Is there any political element to the show?
C: Every fuggin thing iz political now. Iz in da water. U cant hide no more. U gotta scream on it.

CM: How are your shows received? I can imagine some would consider them a bit controversial?
C: Hell, I dunno bout all dat. Butt I do find sum uh tha most amayyyzin smilin happy peeple out in da crowd after da stank flies. Diz is a gatherin. Diz show. Diz iz all peeple cummin frum all corners to hide in da woods an play. Iz mysterious an iz a lil dangerous, butt iz mostly majiiikal if u let ur pony out.

CM: Where are you from, and how did you get into performing? 
C: I dunno wherr im frum. People say one day I juz happened…like da chickenz in my backyard or da bird in my mouth. I find da need to feed to share tooo tear my self apart for peeeple. I feel peeeples songs in dark places.

CM: Who or what inspires you?
C: A fugggin room dat aint afraid to dance. Dat aint afraid to throw hands around and scream whether they be scared shitless or juz pootin wit joy.

CM: What kind of music do you like to listen to?
C: Da birds in da trees an I like to hear peeple who got real fucked up ways uh laughin…I luv to hear dat so so much.

CM: A Google search throws up the term “drag terrorist” for you – do you like that term?
C: Iz uh term. Terms r like cement an dey fuggin still to ur feet an den u find urself in a river wit dat cement on ur feet an u fuggin drown. I like too let dat shit breeze in an breeze da fuck out. I keep deez windows open.

CM: You have a very interesting look. How do you choose your clothes?
C: I make my clothes!! I oh so luv to craft da wonderful dat we wear. Me an my Boyz. We alll sit around someplace an we dig an cut an sew an get so excited when we find our lil miracle too wear dat wuz hiding in our minds.

CM: What made you decide to come the Festival? Have you been before?
C: When I look down uh hole an I hear madness an peeple screamin too cum on in an join, I fugggin join. Daz whut Edinburgh feelz like. Tooo toooooo many people sharing sum wild shit an diz nay nay wants tooo share toooo. I aint never been, but I sure ass shit have heard sum stories haaaaay.

CM: Are you planning on taking in some other shows while you’re in town?
C: I plan on def seein sum other peeeples showz. I hear derr iz a show wit a grandma in it. I wanna seee dat.

CM: Where are you headed after Edinburgh?
C: We droppin in on Holland at da Norderzon Festival den we finally gunna drag dick back home toooo Austin Texas Haaaaaaay!

‘Christine: The Christeene Machine’ was performed at Underbelly at Edinburgh Festival 2014.

LINKS: christeenemusic.com