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Titty Bar Ha Ha: The Great Escape

By | Published on Saturday 16 August 2014

If you’re feeling the strain as we approach the end of Week Two, perhaps it’s time for a ‘great escape’ from the Festival frenzy, to charge up ahead of the Fringe finale.

Titty Bar Ha Har

And to help, here is the Titty Bar Ha Ha guide to chilling out in and around Edinburgh. Some options may rely on a little cash, or some wheels, or maybe even a performer pass. But whether you are watching or making shows, whatever your budget, there’ll be something here for you.

So we’re heading into the final stretch of the biggest, toughest drinking / arts / ‘networking’ / paranoia-provoking / comparison-causing festival in the world. You have prepared, arrived, opened and celebrated your existence, but now you are sitting in your living room whilst the rain hits the window and you are starting to ponder the real world and your place in it.

It’s time… to… get out… stop looking at all the people’s faces on posters and flyers, lets get all ‘Inception’ on this festival’s ass and find another level. Memories that are non-ego, freedom, sanity and joy related… let’s ESCAPE. We talked with other artists on the Fringe and these were the top ten places they recommended when you want to recharge your mental health and soul. Let’s count them down…

10. Cinema
Yes it’s the cinema. Yes, it’s there all year. But sometimes it’s good just to sit in the dark and eat popcorn and not feel obliged to clap, smile or commit in any way to another human being.

9. Jamie’s Italian in The Assembly Rooms
Here’s the tip… order the meat plank, even if you are on your own. You can get a decent coffee, a glass of wine and a selection of beautiful cold meats and cheeses for about a tenner. It’s a self indulgent luxury. Turn your phone off. Don’t go online. Don’t even read. Stop, drink, eat and people watch for 45 mins. Look at all of those people running around. Not you; you are in your own foody oasis.

8. The Loft Bar in the Gilded Balloon (during the day)
At the weekend, wanksta’s paradise. But during the day from around 3pm, a haven with nachos. Whilst the other performers run around in the wet, bring a book or your work and order the large nachos. It’s quiet, relaxed, warm and dry.

7. The Lobster Shack on the pier in North Berwick
A little eatery that offers the most amazing seafood in a stunningly delicious and affordable way. You can sample beautiful lobster, succulent langoustine, sweet crab, meaty mussels and line-caught mackerel cooked to your liking, right before your eyes. The Lobster Shack is also fully licensed so you can enjoy it all with a cold beer, a crisp glass of wine or even champagne. It is weather dependant though, so it’s worth calling ahead to see if they are open. Opening hours are usually 12-8pm. Tel: 07910 620 480

6. Berwick-upon-Tweed
About 45 minutes on the train from Edinburgh Waverley this really is a great escape. Situated just a few kilometers from the England-Scotland border, the area offers lots of great coastal and countryside walks and in August you will find lots of Scottish raspberries and wild strawberries in the forests. Maybe also visit nearby St Abbs – a small picturesque village with a dramatic national park next to it – or Bamburgh Castle to the south of Berwick, one of the most beautiful and interesting castles in the UK. There’s also quite a nice city wall walk in Berwick itself, and some beautiful bridges. This is the town with time on its side.

5. Jupiter Art Land, Wilkieston
A completely different experience from your average garden. This is a private park full of the most amazing modern sculpture commissioned by the owners specifically for the spaces in which it sits. A bit of a trek out of town, but absolutely worth it! Beautifully manicured lawns, wild areas and fantastic garden sculpture. You can take a picnic or there’s a great quirky cafe too. Open Thursday to Sunday.

4. Arthur’s Seat
It wouldn’t be so well known if it weren’t worth the effort. Shake off last night’s haze and put your trainers on. It’s almost a rite of passage to climb this beautiful Edinburgh backdrop and it’s worth it every single time. Once you’ve climbed up and down you will really feel ready to take on the world! Or at least another show.

3. Roseleaf, Sandport Place, Leith
The Roseleaf is a little bar/cafe in Leith that is far enough away from the Fringe that most don’t make it down here. It has tasty, seasonal food cooked from scratch and is casual and friendly. There are freshly made juices, fine wines, real ales and, if you fancy it, a great selection of spirits which are also used for ‘Pot-tails’ (cocktails in teapots). You can get great coffee, vegan food, check your emails, play scrabble and just get the hell out of dodge for the day. Don’t tell anyone though, this place is a gem.

2. The Scotsman Spa, Market Street
If you have been here, you will go again, if you haven’t, you are missing out on one of the greatest retreats that Edinburgh has to offer. You can pick up Festival special packages and with them full use of the facilities for the day. Steam, spa, gym, massage…words can’t do justice to this place. Go to www.scotsmanspa.com for all of the info on spa and gym facilities, Aveda Spa treatments, fitness classes and personal training.

1. Home
GO HOME!! As in wherever you are staying this month. It’s easy to get into the habit of having ‘just one drink’ after a show in the hope that you will find that missing ‘thing’, whatever it is for you. But you know what IS missing at the Festival? Sleep and quiet time. Go home, run a bath, have a cup of tea on the sofa, watch shit TV and GO TO BED. This seems like the simplest thing to do but it’s not. It’s hard to stop chasing the buzz. But I promise, a little bit of lone time, a clean body, clean sheets and a good night’s sleep are the greatest escape there is.

‘Titty Bar Ha Har: Hard Time’ was performed at the Gilded Balloon at Edinburgh Festival 2014.



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