ED2012 Columns ED2012 Comedy

Marny Godden Fringe Blog: Some twisted folk

By Marny Godden | Published on Saturday 18 August 2012

One third of The Grandees, and this year appearing in ‘Tom Cottle’s Twisted Folk’, Marny Godden writes us a Fringe Blog.

People know me as Marny Godden, a girl from The Grandees about yay high, but really my name is Maud Van Clinken Tooley, and I crash landed here in Edinburgh 68 yrs ago.

I’m here on business. I rent property. Well, performance space I suppose you call it. You see it all started back in 1896 when my great, great, great, great, great grand mother Maud Van Klinken Shitel the Fourth stepped off the Dutch Clog Horn which set sail for Edinburgh in the storm of all storms: The famous HOTFORDOMA!

Well she nearly perished! In fact her poor little Lekker dyke did; it could have been prevented had they not been drinking that pesky pigeon stump tea, a brew very popular with the galley men. I tried it once and I woke up tied to a man named Poodleprick but we’ll talk about that another time perhaps… Anyway my great, great, great, great grandmater was helped off the famous Clog Horn by a very tall Scotsman who went by the name of Lord Harry McPrick Twist. He owned a lot of property here in Edinburgh and they became acquaintances. They had something in common, you see, a love of the mushroom…

One day they met a group of hippies walking through the Meadows. All kinds of hippies; crusty, lofty, clingy, grimy, creepy. They were taking a trip to the fairy forest. Well McPrick and Maud knew this was a one of the hot spots for a particular mushroom they were seeking so they struck a deal and the hippies said they could come along.

I’m afraid the rest of the story has holes in it (a bit like my favorite cheese). But the outcome was that they were married in a ditch, rolled through a field of nettles and died. Laylerkahooofta! It was a brief affair…

Unlucky for McPrick but lucky for the Van Klinken Shitels because we inherited the property here in Edinburgh. Which brings me to my story. I WANT MY RENT. All my life I’ve been ignored, everywhere I go people just ignore me! Which means I never get the rent! This has happened all my life… I’ve never been a mother and I’ve never been a wife… Please explain how could this be? Perhaps you will ignore me…

Mr Michael Twist who rents The Iron Belly in the Underbelly at 10.45pm performing a show called ‘These Twisted Folk’ … he owes me 15 yrs rent so far… He’s a very strange man… he’s got very long arms and very long legs just like an overgrown spider. Apparently he use to get used as a pole vault on sports day. He’s also been used as fire wood and a climbing frame. Come along and you’ll see. PASSOP!

Marny Godden appeared in ‘Tom Cottle’s These Twisted Folk’ at Underbelly at Fringe 2012.